Echo
by CHAILYN
Summary: Series of songfics. Hot n Cold. Castiel. Sam. Dean. Ruby. Humans are intriguing. refrence to wincest.
1. Wishes

_**Wishes**_

* * *

_Note__: a songfic tag to What Is And What Should Never Be, freshly edited (because that was so much more appealing than my algebra assignment), song used is Toni Braxton's Unbreak My Heart, which like Supernatural I don't own._

_Enjoy!_

* * *

_**Don't leave me in all this pain  
Don't leave me out in the rain  
Come back and bring back my smile  
Come and take these tears away**_

"Dean? What are you doing here?" Mary Winchester was surprised to see her son standing at her door in the middle of the night.

"Mom?" Dean could barely breathe as he forced the words out over the lump in his throat.

_**  
I need your arms to hold me now  
The nights are so unkind  
Bring back those nights when I held you beside me**_

"_Say good night to your brother." Mary told her son with the happy glow that all young mothers, content with their beautiful little miracle, has. She let him down, on the stool in front of Sam's crib to say good night to his baby brother that he adored more than any gift they'd ever given him._

"'_Night Sammy." Dean told his brother his voice emanating with the unconditional love that children were so adept at giving as he reached down and gave him a kiss on the forehead. "Love you."_

"_Dean." John was standing in the doorway with a happy smile that mirrored his wife's._

"_Daddy!" Dean squealed running over to his dad, to be swept up in a hug._

"_Hey, Dean. Did you and Sammy say your prayers?"_

_Dean thought about it for a minute before replying. "Sammy can't talk so I said it for the both of us."_

"_That was very thoughtful of you." Mary said giving her older son a kiss and taking him from her husband to put to bed. "Are you ready to go to bed?"_

"_No." Dean replied._

_John laughed, "That wasn't really a question kiddo."_

"_Its bedtime Dean," Mary told him, "And if you get in bed like a good boy, I'll tell you a story."_

_After his mother finished the story, Dean asked her to stay. It was an occurrence that had happened night after night for about a week now and so Mary would stay with him until he fell fast asleep, as usual. However, as usual she asked him why, and once again, as usual, got the same response._

"_I'm scared of the bad things."_

"_You don't have to be afraid," Mary told him, "The angels won't let anything happen to you. They watch over you when you sleep, and protect us from the bad things."_

"_Are angels watching over you and daddy too?"_

"_And Sammy too." Mary nodded her head._

"_Are you sure?" Dean asked his voice small and unsure._

'_I'm sure."_

_**Un-break my heart  
Say you'll love me again  
Undo this hurt you caused  
When you walked out the door  
And walked out of my life**_

"Dean. Dean, are you alright?" Mary was worried about him, as he paled drastically before her eyes and didn't speak.

"I-I don't know." Dean didn't know, and he continued to struggle to find the words and to speak over the lump in his throat.

"Well, come inside." Mary said her voice filled with the motherly concern that Dean hadn't heard in twenty plus years as she ushered her adult son, who looked more like the lost little six year old who had gotten lost in the department store, inside.

"Let me ask you a question." Dean's demand was filled with fear and uncertainty. "When I was a kid, what did you always tell me when you put me to bed?"

"Dean, I don't understand—"

"Just answer the question." Dean's voice was harsh, and he was scared. As he looked around at the house, his old home, he felt a wave of nausea wash over him, and a kind of fear that he'd never felt before.

"I told you angels were watching over you." Mary said concern for her son increasing ten fold as he spoke.

"I-I don't believe it." Dean wrapped his arms around his mother in a tight hug. Dean buried his face in his mother's shoulder crying silently as he realized it was his mom, and to be able to feel his mother hold him again. Dean let go after a moment, as much as he never wanted to let go, realizing that he was smothering her.

_**  
Un-cry these tears  
I cried so many nights  
Un-break my heart  
My heart**_

"Honey, you're scaring me." Mary told him, looking into his eyes for some sign of...something to explain his odd behavior.

"You don't think that wishes could-could really..." Dean's voice broke as he spoke and looked at his mother, waiting for something...anything.

"What?" Mary was confused by her son's mumblings. She hoped he hadn't been drinking and driving again.

"Forget it." Dean shook his head and wrapped his arms around his mother in a tight hug. "Forget it. I'm just so happy to see you, that's all."

Dean blinked away the tears. "You're beautiful." He said, fighting the tears that threatened to spring to his eyes again.

_**Un-cry these tears  
I cried so many nights  
Un-break my heart  
My heart**_

"_Dean! Take your brother outside. Run as fast as you can."_

_Dean didn't question his father's words. He didn't question the fire, and the heat radiating from the nursery, and he never thought that his mother was in there engulfed in a wave of flames on his baby brother's ceiling, directly above his crib._

_Dean ran as fast as his short little legs could go, stopping only when he reached the grassy lawn. He looked up, and at that moment he saw the flames licking away at the window. Sammy began to cry and Dean pulled his brother closer to him, trying his best to give his brother comfort._

"_It's going to be okay Sammy."_

_Dean had no doubt that it wouldn9t. He believes in the angels that his mother told him about, and no matter how bad things were; they would protect them._

_**Take back that sad word good-bye  
Bring back the joy to my life  
Don't leave me here with these tears**_

Dean looked around at all the pictures and was overcome again with the urge to cry. He and Sam, and his mom and dad all at various stages in their lives; Dean sitting cockily upon the hood of the Impala...Sam graduating from high school...a family Christmas photo, all of them in matching sweaters...Sam and Jessica...Dean and a pretty brunette...Dean, Sam, and their Dad, playing a game of baseball...

"I'm going to call Carmen to come and get you." Mary said, still more than a little worried about her son. "You've been drinking." She said her tone filled with a mix of concern and disapproval, mingled with disappointment.

Who...? And then Dean realized, right. The pretty brunette from the house.

"No I haven't." Dean denied honestly.

"I want to stay here." He said struggling over his words, still trying to control the tears that threatened to fall.

"Why?"

"Because I miss the place." Dean replied stumbling with the words as he tried to speak over the lump that refused to go away.

"You sure you're all right?" Mary asked, her voice filled with concern

Dean looked up at her with tears threatening again. "I think so."

"Okay." Mary bent down and took her son's face in her hands as she kissed him on the cheek. "Get some rest. I love you."

"Me too." Dean said, still feeling shell shocked at being just feet away from his mother.

_The days following his mother's death would have been painful for any four year old, but for Dean they were especially difficult. At first he had felt completely alone. He knew he wasn't, that he had his dad and Sammy, but it wasn't the same. Sometimes his dad would completely forget about them in his grief, and if it hadn't been for Pastor Jim and his wife...when Dean looked back he wasn't sure how they would have made it through. Dean was only four and he knew that he had a responsibility. He had to look after Sammy. Maybe that was why it felt like his heart split in two when he saw his mom again. It had been something he'd dreamed of for years, prayed for constantly during those lonely days...and now...here she was._

_**  
Come and kiss that pain away  
I can't forget the day you left  
Time is so unkind  
And life is so cruel without you here beside me**_

Dean was thrilled to see Sam pull up to the house with Jess; both of them together, young, carefree, with no sign of visions or demon trouble. Life was perfect, he had his mom, his brother, Jess was alive, Sam was happy...it was all that he wanted out of life.

"Sammy, look at you." Dean clapped him on the shoulder grinning like a maniac. "You with Jessica...it's...amazing..."

"Yeah." Sam said confused and uncomfortably.

"Where'd you come from?"

"The airport. We just got in from California."

"Stanford. Law school, I bet."

Then Sam realized the cause for his brother's freakishly good humor and became angry. "I see you started off mom's birthday with a bang, as usual." Sam said, gesturing to the beer.

_**Un-break my heart  
Say you'll love me again  
Undo this hurt you caused  
When you walked out the door  
And walked out of my life**_

Dean smiled, happy and content, as he watched his brother kiss Jessica over the clink of champagne glasses. Sammy was happy, what more was there to ask for.

"All right," Sam said suddenly, smiling—a sight that Dean had missed on his younger brother's face for a long time now. "Jess and I actually have another surprise for mom's birthday."

Sam turned to Jess, "Uh, you wanna tell them?"

"They're you're family." She whispered back in a hushed, embarrassed tone.

Sam took her hand, lifting it up to show everyone a large sparkling diamond on her ring finger.

Everyone laughed in happiness for the couple, and Dean couldn't have been happier for Sammy. Everything was playing out the way it was meant to for his baby brother.

"_You can't save everyone, even you said that." Dean told his brother._

_Sam slammed his hand on the table to get Dean's attention, the bang echoing through the small room. "No, Dean! You don't understand, alright? The more people I save, the more I can change."_

"_Change what?" Dean asked him, wondering just how much his brother had to drink. Sam always became depressed when he was drunk...and between Ava and everything creeping up on them...Sam's attitude scared him._

"_My destiny, Dean!" _

"_All right," Dean was sick and tired of this destiny bull and he wished to god he'd never told Sam. That his dad had never told him. "Time for bed Sasquatch."_

"_I need you to watch out for me." Sam told Dean as Dean pulled him up and over to his bed._

"_I always do."_

"_No, no, no! You have to _watch out_ for me. All right? And if I ever turn into something I'm not...you have to kill me." _

"_Sam." Dean felt like he couldn't take this anymore. This weight, it was so heavy on him. Every way he turned he was reminded of this dark destiny that his brother had. He didn't know how much longer he could take it, but he knew, he knew that if it ever comes down to it...he isn't going to be able to kill his brother._

_**Don't leave me in all this pain  
Don't leave me out in the rain  
Bring back the nights when I held you beside me**_

"_Who knows what I might become?" Sam cried, "Even now, everyone around me dies."_

_No, Dean thought, as he helped Sam into bed, if it comes down to it, he'll die first._

_**Un-break my heart  
Say you'll love me again  
Undo this hurt you caused  
When you walked out the door  
And walked out of my life**_

"How about you?" Sam asked for the first time since he had gotten Dean back from the warehouse. "You all right?"

Dean cleared his throat before he spoke. "Yeah, I'm all right." Dean couldn't look at Sam as he talked. He was fighting the emotional turmoil raging inside of him and he...he just couldn't.

"It was just a wish." Dean's voice was brusque. "I just wished for mom to live."

_**Un-cry those tears  
I cried so many, many nights  
Un-break my heart**_

"I'm glad you dug yourself out, Dean." Sam told his brother. "Most people wouldn't have had the strength. They would have stayed."

"Yeah." Dean deadpanned. "Lucky me."

"Yeah, but, Dean, it wasn't real."

"I know. But I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay so bad."


	2. Be Careful What You Wish For

_**Be Careful What You Wish For**_

* * *

**Disclaimers: Supernatural isn't mine, it never was and cries never will be. I'm not the awesome, brilliant, and completely fantabulous A****my Lee and so no, the song used, 'Farther Away', also, is not mine.**

**Note: Ties in ever so slightly with another story of mine…nothing major, just take note that I'm a fan of Sam & Bela. 3**

* * *

_I took their smiles and I made them mine._

Little girls are the easiest targets. So many of them are filled with so much hurt and pain, and '_no one, no one understands_' they're practically begging to give it away to the first to stop and listen.

Too bad no one told them to be careful what you wish for.

Abbie was one of her favorites. She was so filled with desperation and fear…she just wanted everything to end.

She was more than happy to give her happily ever after.

For a little while at least.

"I'll get rid of him for you." Lilith promised. "And it won't even cost you anything for ten whole years."

Ten years was a lifetime of forever.

_  
I sold my soul just to hide the light._

"It can be like this all the time. He won't hurt you anymore." Her promises were set in stone; she never ever lied to them. She always gave them what they wanted.

And after a little while, all of them gave in. Little Abbie was no different then the rest

Abbie nodded her head.

She always looked so sweet, gentle, and unassuming—they spent their time together, swinging; always testing the boundaries and seeing who could go higher.

They all trusted her.

"I just want it to stop."

And then those innocent eyes, brown or green or hazel—this time they were green with flecks of gold…

You don't ever forget what those eyes look like.

…those eyes flash to a startling blood red, and it's done.

_  
And now I see what I really am,  
A thief, a whore, and a liar._

"There's a lucrative market out there, a lot of money to be made."

"So you know the truth, about what it is that's really going on out there and this is what you choose to do with it? You become a thief?" Dean questioned.

_You have no idea what I am._

_She knew more about Dean Winchester—all of the Winchesters, than he could ever imagine—than he would ever know about her._

_No one would._

"I procure unique items for a select clientele." She corrected him easily.

"Yeah," He shrugged, what was the fucking difference? "A thief."

And apparently, a bitch.

"No." She smirked, "A _great_ thief."

_But really, that was ever only the beginning of what she was. And the only people who knew…weren't really in a position to say a damn thing about it._

_  
I run to you,  
And run away from this hell  
Call out your name,  
Giving up, giving in  
I see you there,  
Still you are  
Farther away._

It didn't matter what she did, or where she went.

You can kill people, but you can't ever kill memories._  
_

And they were what haunted her. She'd made the choice, she'd willed it all away…she brought them the death, they deserved, earned—the death that _belonged_ to them…

But she still wasn't free.

Their was still that scent of expensive scotch, and the itching, chafing feeling of rough hands, the voice that made her blood run cold…and the farther she ran from it, the deeper inside herself it dug. It took root in her, seeping through her soul, never letting her forget.

A part of her, always, forever.

Haunting her.

_  
I'm numb to you - numb and deaf and blind.  
You give me all but the reason why.  
I reach but I feel only air at night.  
Not you, not love, just nothing._

It was going to be quick, and it was going to be easy. She was going to take the Colt, and be half a country away before they even realized it was gone.

She was going to play them.

There was an innocence in Sam that she was sure didn't belong in the world they played in. He wasn't someone who should have been a hunter, he believed in the best of people.

She knew better.

It wasn't even that which ruined everything she had planned—that fucked every one of her detailed plans.

Abbie would have liked him, and she hated men. They frightened her, because they were the ones who had the power, the control, and they were the ones who could hurt her.

Seducing him would be easy, she had learned a long time ago that sex was power. Bela held control that way…she was always on top.

But then he asked, _"Are you sure?"_

She was vulnerable then, and in that one small moment…she wanted him to save her. She wanted him.

She wanted to be loved.

"_Bela?"_

And then the moment was gone, and she could think logically again.

I put myself in your hands.

I'm dead.

You can only depend on yourself.

She smiled, "Of course."

_  
I run to you,  
And run away from this hell  
Call out your name,  
Giving up, giving in  
I see you there,  
Still you are  
Farther away._

When she was with him, Abbie snuck up on her. But she pushed her back down, reminding herself, Abbie didn't exist anymore. Abbie wasn't real.

Abbie begged her to trust him, and ask him to save her…but Bela didn't need him. Bela didn't need anyone to save herself…because she took care of herself.

The only person in the world she'd ever depend on was herself.

Try to forget you,

No matter how much she changed, the memories always stayed the same.

It only took three years, and by then she was so lost in a lie she even could believe it sometimes. And the truth was, that was all she wanted.

After three years she barely turned her head when she heard the name, after all, she convinced herself Abbie died in that sad car crash with her parents.

Abbie was scared, and scarred, and had to cry herself to sleep.

That was not Bela Talbot.

Bela wasn't afraid of anyone. Bela was a bitch and the best thief that there was, and she didn't need another god damned person.

She took care of herself, because if there was one thing she'd learned…if you don't take care of yourself no one else is going to.

_  
But without you I feel nothing.  
Don't leave me here, by myself._

The last time, she kissed his cheek before slipping out the door.

It was a rare kiss of sincerity, or maybe it was love.

Hours before he had whispered in her ear that he loved her.

_I love you_

His tone was almost guilty, like he knew his brother would never forgive this indiscretion but he didn't care.

She knew better though, always taking it with a grain of salt. But something deep inside told her that maybe…he could.

She let her lips linger on his cheek as she kissed him good bye.

_I could love you, _she thought, wondering, is dying when you're in love really the best way to go? Or does it just make it hurt that much more?

_I can't breathe.  
I run to you,  
And run away from this hell  
Call out your name,  
Giving up, giving in  
I see you there,  
Still you are  
Farther away.  
_

But no matter how far, how deep down she tried to hide Abbie, she was still there.

When Lilith's hounds came for her, when she gave in and begged Dean to please help her, _to save her, _Abbie cracked above the surface and the façade, Bela, was gone.

She didn't want to, she couldn't be strong anymore…Abbie didn't know how to be strong. All she wanted was for someone to save her.

But even now, at the end, there was still no one to save her.

_  
I run to you,  
And run away from this hell  
Call out your name,  
Giving up, giving in  
I see you there,  
Still you are  
Farther away.  
Farther away,  
farther away,  
farther away,  
farther away,  
farther away._


	3. Halo

_**Halo**_

* * *

_Note: my first fic involving Castiel, which means, yes, spoilers for season 4. songfic of sorts to Bethany Joy Lenz's Halo. So, feedback is appreciated, but as per ususal I'm not gonna beg you, I hope you enjoy it mostly written to take my mind off of my rapidly failing relationship, and a theory that Castiel is not going to equal good things for the brothers Winchester._

_--_

_I wear a halo when you look at me_

So of course it was only fitting that Dean was an angel.

_Only in your mind_

_I wear a halo _

Sam's love for Dean surpasses big brother, hero worship.

Dean's not just his brother, but his lord, savior, and holy trinity.

Dean's saved him.

_Why do you put me on a pedestal,  
I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below,  
So help me down you've got it wrong, I don't belong there._

He knows what Sam thinks, and he wishes he could show him how wrong he really was.

How wrong it all was.

He never should have trusted the warrior from god that pulled him from hell. Like any other supernatural creature, Castiel used them.

'You're destined to kill him, and put an end to the rein of evil'

_I always said that I would make mistakes,  
I'm only human, and that's my saving grace,  
I fall as hard as I try  
So don't be blinded_

He showed him all the ways in which Sam had lied to him.

Ruby was still alive. His brother was screwing with Ruby, and he never even knew until Castiel shoved his face into it.

Ruby's pet, instructing him how to use the once dormant psychic powers.

The night in the nursery. His mom knew the yellow eyed demon, and Sam knew…and never told him.

Sam. Liar.

Sam. Liar.

_I wear a halo when you look at me_

_But standing from here, you wouldn't say so  
you wouldn't say so, if you were me_

'Lucifer's pet, and crown prince, Dean.' Castiel reminded him. 'The only reason you're returned to life is to right the wrong you've created. You're the only one who can fix it.'

His deal made Sam untouchable to angel-kind. Something about sacrifice.

All it was, was spinningspinningspinning, kill your brother, right your wrong, redeemer; redeem the world.

Castiel handed him the knife of the redeemer, the one and only to destroy the crown prince of evil.

_See me as I really am, I have flaws and sometimes I even sin,  
so pull me from that pedestal,  
I don't belong there._

'Finish what you've begun.' Castiel instructed him.

Dean took the knife from him, and swiftly plunged it into his chest.

_One thing is clear,  
I wear a halo when you look at me,  
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so  
you wouldn't say so, if you were me _

If that's what he is I made it so, Dean decided, all the lectures from his father racing through his mind.

Protect you brother.

Don't let anything happen to Sammy.

If he becomes evil, you're going to have to kill him.

Never.

_Why you think that you know me  
But In your eyes  
I am something above you_

Sam was the only thing that mattered.

Not the pending apocalypse, not even what his mom used to tell him _just remember to say your prayers when you get scared and everything will be okay, _not even that he maybe just might have doomed the human race.

Sam.

_  
It's only in your mind  
Only in your mind  
I wear a Halo_

* * *


	4. Hand of Sorrow

_**Hand of Sorrow**_

_Note: Songfic for Supernatural (which I don't own)to Within Temptation's _Hand of Sorrow (_which I also don't own). And really, why is it that when you set out to do something, it seems so easy until you actually start it? (This applies to both the fic, and a mountain of Algebra I'm not _ever_ going to finish.) I'm an English/History major…when am I ever going to use algebra is what I'd like to know. :ends rant: I hope y'all enjoy, it was a lovely reprieve from the textbook, and now I return to the hell that is math….maybe. if I can't find a new distraction._

--

**The child without a name grew up to be the hand  
To watch you, to shield you, or kill on demand **

One job, Dean.

Watch out for Sammy.

From the night that he ran out of their house as it burnt to the ground, and he promised Sam that everything would be okay (_I_ _won't ever let anything bad happen to you, Sammy_), that had been his job.

Take care of your brother.

Do you understand me?

Like he needed John to tell him to take care of his little brother?

Ever since his mom died that had been the _only _thing he cared about. It had been his only job; the only thing that he had left was Sam. The only thing that mattered was keeping his brother safe.

He'd die so that his brother wouldn't ever have to feel a single ounce of pain.

**  
The choice he made he could not comprehend  
His blood a grim secret they had to command **

He was one of the special children, but even Dean didn't know how special he was (did he?) the demon was in his head sometimes showing him all the 'great' things he was going to do. Even after the demon was dead, he still could see all of the things it wanted him to do.

_Sammy, you're my special one._

_Rip off their heads and tear the flesh from their bones._

_Kill. Kill. Kill._

How could he ignore this power inside of him if he could use it to do exactly the opposite of what the demon gave it to him for?

Ruby had been right; not using it was a waste. He was the only one who had the power to stop what was coming; he couldn't just sit there and not do a damn thing when people's lives depended on him.

It wasn't what Dean would have done. Dean would have said fuck it, and he'd do whatever it took to save those people, because it was their job.

**  
He's torn between his honor and the truth of half his life  
He prayed for both but was denied **

"You will have a destiny to fulfill no matter the outcome, Dean Winchester." Castiel warned him. "A man's fate can not be altered once it has begun."

A few drops of demon blood didn't change a damn thing, Sam was still Sammy. He was still the little brother that used to hide behind him when they passed by the McDonalds, the one who cried when he fell off the bike that was too big for him to begin with (Dean told him that it was, but Sam was so damn persistent, wanting to be just like his big brother), and asked him _make it all better, Dean?_

"You know what we know, Dean. We don't know how much the demon altered your brother. But the time will come, and if he is one of them, if he is _theirs, _it will be your job to take care of it."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You'll have to kill him."

**  
So many dreams are broken and so much we sacrificed **

_A normal life Dean, is that so much to ask for?_

Sam's voice resonated in his head, as he wondered, maybe if he'd never pulled Sam into this, dragged him back into this life, it never would have happened.

**  
Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind **

Time is precious.

He understood that, that you can't ever take for granted the time you have with somebody, because you might not ever see them again.

Every single day he missed his mom.

Every single day he realized, it was his fault that his dad was dead. John sacrificed his soul, so he could live. And sometimes he was so angry at him for leaving him here to have to deal with it that the hurt, and guilt, faded away for a bit and was replaced with anger.

And then he was reminded; he'd do anything to have his parents back.

He wondered if Sam felt the same.

Sam blamed himself every day for Jessica's death. She died because of him. His mom died because of him.

Their deaths would always be on him. Senseless, horrible, murders just because he was alive.

**  
So many years have passed toward a noble land of lies**

Sometimes we lie to protect the ones we love.

Ruby's dead, Dean.

_Sort of. _

It was better that way. There were no shades of grey where Ruby was concerned for his brother. He'd tell Dean when he was ready for it. Besides, it wasn't a total lie, Ruby had died…she just came back, and in a different body too.

Or because it hurts too much to really face the truth.

_She got in the way._

How do you tell the brother that sacrificed everything for you that their mom's death wasn't a demon, but that it was your fault?

If it wasn't for him, none of this ever would have happened.

If it wasn't for him, Mary and John would both be alive and Dean would be living a happily ever existence.

He couldn't tell him that, instead he pretended it didn't exist.

Ignorance can be blissful happiness almost always.

**  
Will all our sins be justified?**

Or because we refuse to accept the truth.

Not her. Dean refused to believe that his mother ever could have made a deal with a demon, that, _that_ was the reason for it all.

It didn't happen.

**  
The curse of his powers tormented his life  
Obeying the crown was a sinister crime **

"You've created your own fate Dean," Castiel reminded him. "You released the anti-christ from his prison of flesh and bone that would hold him until judgment; you brought him back from that to roam free upon the earth. You can not continue to facilitate him. He needs to be destroyed."

**  
His soul was tortured by love and by pain  
He surely would flee but the oath made him stay**

_If I become something I'm not, you have to promise me, Dean. Promise me that you will. That you'll save me. That if I become evil, you'll kill me._

The whisper of evil was heart stopping. It wasn't true, it was just a lie. Sam couldn't be evil; he didn't even know how to be a bad person. He had a better moral compass than Jesus Christ himself.

_If you can't save him, _John whispered, the words catching in his throat…it had to be done, _you have to kill him._

I promised.

**  
He's torn between his honor and the truth of half his life  
He prayed for both but was denied **

_Now I lay me down to sleep…_

Every night when they were kids, he watched Sam say those prayers before he went to bed, with faith and dedication and he was so certain that whatever it was would protect him.

He figured Sam would grow out of it, god knows he did.

Sam says them in his head now.

Dean decided it was bullshit. There was nothing, there wasn't a damn thing out there that gave a flying fuck about humanity, all there was, was evil; horrible, unpredictable, and terrifying evil.

He wanted to believe though, he wanted to believe so bad that there was _something_, that everything his mom had told him, all those nights when he was scared that whatever it was, was going to get him, would. That angels really were watching over him, that they'd protect them.

Even after everything. Even after his dad told him what Sammy was going to become, and that he had to take care of it. That it was his responsibility.

He prayed just to see if she was right.

Castiel gave him the flaming sword of the cherubim.

Dean declined it

"It's the weapon of the savior on earth, bequeathed to _you_. To defeat the anti-christ, and stop the beast of hell."

To kill my brother. They never just _said_ anything. He was sick to hell of the monolouging, what was wrong with getting to the damn point. They wanted him to kill his brother to save the world.

Did what he need even matter?

"No." Castiel told him, "Your desires are insignificant, Dean. You're a tool of the Lord."

He nearly laughed….some things never change.

"No." He refused, he'd be god damned if they thought he was plunging that through his brother's heart.

"Have you forgotten where I brought you back from? What I've done for you?" Castiel's eyes almost glow when he's furious. "If a reminder is needed…"

Dean ripped the sword from his hands with vigor. It was light, or at least he thought it was. He didn't even know if his thoughts were his these days.

Dean plunged the sword through Castiel's chest.

Angels bleed just as well as humans do.

Killing an Angel of god must be a mortal sin.

So what is it to kill four of them?

_May angels watch me through the night…_

**  
Still I'll be the hand that saves you**

That's my job; watch out for my pain-in-the-ass little brother.

I should have taught you better, but I just wanted for you to not have to be that person. I didn't want you to be a soldier…I just wanted to protect you, let you be a kid for at least a little while.

I'm sorry, Sammy, dad shouldn't have trusted me. Not with this.

I shouldn't have promised.

**Though you'll not see that it is me**

Some blood can't ever be washed away.

Angel blood is like scars that way. You can scrub, and scrub, but it isn't ever going to wash away.

Permanent.

He killed four of them like ducks in a row. As soon as they found one of theirs slaughtered, the wings torn from his body, they came for him.

Castiel was right, the sword of the savior wasn't a match for anyone.

He killed them all the same way, and left them there. His calling card and warning; he'd kill each and every one of them who came near his brother.

**  
So many dreams are broken and so much we sacrifice  
Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind  
So many years have past toward a noble land of lies**

_Just to see if she was right._

She wasn't.

There wasn't a damn thing looking out for them.

But he made a promise to Sam, to always look out for them.

He was going to do just that, no matter how much it killed him.

Or how many he had to kill.

**  
Will all our sins be justified?**


	5. Smoking Hot, Ice Cold

**Smoking Hot, Ice Cold**

* * *

_Fact. This story has turned into an utter and complete bitch to finish. But I was determined to do my katy perry songfic..'cause the idea of this song and the Winchesters cracks me up…so here it is. Deep fried crack that it is…I hope you enjoy and get a laugh or two out of it. References wincest so if that squicks you…don't read. I hate this one…but I'm leaving it be now because I don't know what else I could do to fix it *mutters frustrated* _

_right...i don't own sam, or dean, or castiel, or the actors who played them. if i did...well, Castiel would be nicer to Sam for one. I don't own the song Hot n Cold, or Katy Perry. *insert slash joke*_

_oh, and some season 4 spoilers up to _Its The Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester!

_

* * *

_

_You change your mind_

Dean decided that Castiel must have developed a sense of humor (one of the sick and twisted variety) and dropped him back off at the gates of hell.

He walked into the motel room with a six pack and some gloriously grease laden take out (god, had he ever missed in-n-out burger, and 24 hour Thai!) from the Chinese joint down the block and realized that maybe Bobby was right and he should lay off the grease or he was going to have a heart attack.

_Like a girl changes clothes_

Sam had his head up Ruby's skirt. And he was only assuming it was Sam because otherwise the bitch had really crossed a line by suddenly deciding that not only could she screw with them, she could get fucked in their motel room.

Especially if he was going to be seeing that.

_On his bed._

"What the hell...!" Dean objected suddenly, "Sam!"

Sam actually momentarily contemplated the merits of hiding under her skirt, and hoping he went away but it was shockingly suffocating under a girl's skirt.

_Yeah you, PMS_

_Like a bitch_

_I would know_

He came face to face with his brother and decided it was a good thing Dean didn't have a gun in hand.

"Dean."

A really good thing.

He had gotten pulled out of hell for _this_?

_Cause you're hot then you're cold_

_You're yes then you're no_

Sammy was putting out for a demon, and _he_ was still a virgin? Technically.

_You're in then you're out_

_You're up then you're down_

That angel was a sadist.

_You're wrong when it's right_

_Its black and its white_

"No." Castiel said clearly, from directly behind him. "I'm not."

"Oh god," Dean said as it all finally clicked, and looked to Castiel apologetically. "Uh…no offense?" He shrugged, then looked back to Sam and Ruby. "I'm gone for just a little while…_a few months, _and you decided to screw a demon?"

Humans are intriguing, Castiel decided. He was sure he could hold his breath much longer.

Dean shook his head; he was rubbing off on Sam. Dean smirked, he was so proud of his little brother in a _Sam, I'm going to kill you _sort of way.

_We fight, we break up_

_We kiss, we make up_

"Well, if the pot isn't calling the kettle black?" Ruby remarked, "You fuck every skirt that prances past you, Dean."

_You don't really want to stay, no_

_But you don't really want to go-o_

"Not demons." Dean defended, he had principles after all, unlike Sammy there.

Like how _he_ was sure that he'd love to tap Ruby but….no. He had a code of morals and…stuff.

Castiel was unsure if the chosen one could define principles.

"Casey!" Both Ruby and Sam objected in unison.

Dean bit his lip, crap! He'd forgotten about that one. But really, how was he supposed to keep track of all of them?

_And you over think_

Castiel hoped, scratch that, he was praying to his father that if this sinning slut failed that he would not be punished for the indiscretions that were made. He was still trying to come to terms that he pulled someone from hell who _just_ might belong there. The only ones who might belong there more than Dean Winchester was…well, fan girls. They were the only humans with more indiscriminately appalling behavior to rival the Winchester brothers.

Jumping people.

Putting humans in compromising situations…all _for a little entertainment_.

They were a race of creatures devoid of morals of any sort.

Mary Sue's. The deepest circle of hell was reserved for them, he was happy to report.

They made him more uneasy than Lucifer, and scared him more than Uriel when he hadn't smote anything in awhile.

_You're hot then you're cold_

_You're yes then you're no_

_You're in and you're out_

_You're up and you're down_

"Sam, I'm disappointed in you." Dean said, looking to Castiel for support. Maybe an angel could tell Sam what was what…give him a slap on the hand or something. "We _both_ are."

"Dean, could you be a bigger douche?" Sam asked.

Deans struggled not to laugh, because yeah, he was pretty sure he could without even overexerting himself.

"He doesn't improve with time." Ruby remarked. "Or punishment."

_Always speak_

_Cryptically_

"I'm not a nun." Castiel informed Dean, "My job is not to judge for piteous sexual indiscretions, but to prepare you for your final battle."

"Are you shitting me?" Dean said, all he was doing for good, and he couldn't even get a freakin' angel on his side?

Well, god was just cruelly ironic.

"Human terminology as that has never been my strong suit, and thus, I've never quite understood much of your rhetoric but, no, Dean, I'm not 'shitting' you."

"So much for a guardian, _best friend of mine_." Dean remarked.

"Do I look like a cherub to you?" Castiel questioned.

"I don't know what that is," Dean told him, "But I'm going to just hazard a guess and say no?"

"You divine correctly." Castiel told him. "And we are not friends."

_I should know_

_That you're no good for me_

"Sarcasm is lost on you, dude." Dean told him, "Really."

"I am not here to humor you, or be of comic relief." Castiel informed him, "Nor do I appreciate irony of situation. I am a warrior of the heavens."

"Yeah," Dean clapped a hand on his shoulder. "You do that."

God clearly had a sense of humor, because he was surrounded by a bunch of wankers.

_We used to be_

_Just like twins_

_So in sync_

_The same energy_

"Ha!" Dean exclaimed triumphantly as the fugly little bitch went up in a rush of flames. Damn bastard thinking it was going to get the better of him.

Like something that chowed down on human flesh was smarter than him and Sam. Well, maybe it was smarter than Sam…Sam ate health food.

What kind of genius eats tofu?

Sure as hell didn't have anything on him. He was like that guy on _Jeopardy_ that wouldn't go away for months and months…annoyingly smart.

"Dude, we wasted that mofo." Dean told his brother with a self satisfied smirk. "Time to celebrate."

Sam tossed the blow torch in the truck and Dean followed suit with the berretta. That was one bad ass windego…or at least it used to be.

Sam nodded his head in agreement. "Bar's only out about fifteen minutes back that way." Sam gestured down the road. He was more than ready to blow off some post hunt steam with Dean.

Shots all around, Dean decided. He could get them there in seven.

Or maybe not…he was pretty damn bored of Mary Sue and her four sisters.

He hated camping…it tended to take the triple x out sex.

_Now's a dead battery_

_Used to laugh bout the thing_

"So, Sammy, I've been thinking." Dean said.

"Well Dean, that's not ever a very good thing, is it." Sam turned back to the book he was studying, knowing that Dean would get to the point with a little bit of time. "Occasionally dangerous." He added, there was no need to remind Dean about the Malachi incident, if nothing proved thought could be dangerous, especially in the hands (minds?) of teenagers that was it. And girls…they had dangerous thoughts.

He decided then and there that if Dean ever knew he likened his mind with a teenage girl's he just might lose an imperative part of his anatomy.

One was really preferential to keeping. Especially when he had Dean strutting around half naked through their motel room with that fuck me grin constantly plastered across his face.

_Ask and ye shall receive._

Dean growled silently, Sam was so absorbed in the damn books anymore. He just wanted to take them and smack him upside the head with them.

"Dude, what the hell are you reading anyhow?" Dean asked.

Sam had been worried Dean would ask that. "Revelations." He replied without looking up, he really hoped it would end there.

"Of what?"

"Huh?"

Dean confused him more and more lately. At least that was the story he was sticking too. Playing dumb always worked for Dean.

_Oh god, I'm taking after my brother._

_Now you're plain boring_

"Pink, furry handcuffs." Dean suggested, hoping to get Sam's attention.

Nope, nothing. Sam didn't even look up from the laptop.

"And I could dress you in red leather and tie you to the bed with a jockstrap."

Still nothing.

This was borderline torturous.

_I should know that_

_You're not gonna change_

"We could do our own personal re-enactment of exposición de asno." Dean wasn't the least bit subtle, and knew Sam didn't miss it because his little brother's Spanish was a hell of a lot better than his.

Sam nodded his head, "I think I found a case in Auburn, looks like an old school case. Vampires, if the ME's report is anything to go by."

Dean sighed; this was going to take some work.

Blatant, unsubtle work.

Or maybe not…there was always Castiel. What would put a smile on that uptight angel's face like furry handcuffs, and a leather whip (he's always wanted to be Indiana Jones); Dean Winchester's own personal reenactment of Hells Angels.

"Dude, what are you grinning about?" Sam turned away, and caught sight of his brother grinning like the cat that ate the canary.

Dean's lips parted slowly in a wide smirk, what Sam deemed the _fuck me, _look, "I was just wondering if angels or demons are better in bed, Sammy?"

_Someone call the doctor_

_Got a case of a love bi-polar_

Dean decided it was really damn unfair that he got his ass sent to hell and he doesn't even have the slightest useful of abilities, except the occasionally bad feeling which…yay for him. Not.

He'd like to be able to smite. A hell of a lot of smiting, because he knew a demon with a big mouth that would fit just perfect in his former little corner of hell. As he recalled, Lilith rather liked Ruby.

That demon became a much bigger whore then he was in hell. But he'd learned some new tricks too, and had gotten even more territorial when it came to his belongings.

And that slut was mistaken if she thought Sam didn't belong to him.

Revenge can be subtle.

_Stuck on a roller coaster_

_Can't get off of this ride_

Or not.

Dean grabbed Castiel, figuring he had one shot at this, and pressed his mouth against the angel's surprised by the ease in which the angel's lips parted. As his tongue slipped over velvety soft lips, and into his warm mouth, he could almost taste the smile.

Who could have known something so pure could taste so good?

He could feel Sam's eyes on him…this was better than smiting.

_You change your mind_

_Like a girl changes clothes_


End file.
